Theresa May celebrates becoming PM by getting shit-faced on prosecco and jagerbombs

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Newly-announced Prime Minister Theresa May has celebrated her new post by getting shit-faced on prosecco and jagerbombs at a boozy lunch.

May was announced as the new leader after Angela Lansbury pulled out of the leadership contest to she could go fox-hunting uninterrupted.

May told WalesOnCraic:

“Ahhasdaasfdsdfsdfsadcaeffasf. I loves Borissssssssss, can I get some crisps please. Cheese and onion. I wants cheese and onion. I said cheese and facking onion. I’m the new prime minister don’t you know? Where the prosecco? Ah. I loves a prosecco. Where’s my crisps? Who’s Andrea Leadsom? Has she gone home now? Good. She was asking for a bunch of fives. She was getting my dander up, the grotty little woman adscasdfawefal.”

A spokesman for Angela Leadsom added:

“Our candidate has decided to pull out of the leadership contest so that she can focus on her fox-hunting. She’d find the job of PM far too difficult and finds ripping innocent fox cubs apart with her bare hands much easier and a damn sight more satisfying.”