Survey says 1 in 5 Sun readers are ‘thick as hippo shit’

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One in five Sun readers are as thick as ‘hippo shit’, according to a recent survey taken by students at Cardiff University.

The survey was taken to establish the demographics of the daily tabloid readership as part of a media research programme.

Bob GoggleBot who headed the survey told WalesOnCraic:

“I remember when I was a lad, I used to use the Sun newspaper to wipe my arse if we had run out of Andrex which was quite an occurrence in my house as we never had much money. Now that I’m grown up and can afford to buy quality two-ply toilet tissue, I’ve become very clever and teach people all about newspapers. This recent survey was conducted by getting all my students to do the work for me. It’s interesting to see the Sun coming in for criticism recently after it published an allegedly offensive headline. I just to like it for the bare titties. Our studies concluded however, that Sun readers were quite literally thick as hippo shit.”

Sun reader Jordan Kyler said:

“I loves the Sun. I buys it every day and takes it home with me to read. I try not to read it though as it gives me a migrane.”