Supermarkets introduce IQ tests to self-serve checkouts

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Supermarket shoppers will be required to pass an IQ test before attempting to use self-service tills from next week.

The tests are being implemented after fuckwits all over the UK insist on using the self-service checkouts, causing long queues and small-scale riots.

Shopper Julie Rubberlegs told WalesOnCraic:

“I always choose the self-checkout option as I like to think that it saves me time but every time I get there, I find some half-baked fuckwit trying to scan in a trolley’s worth of crap. They don’t have a clue how it all works and while I’m standing there with my half-price melons, I’m waiting for them to place their item into the weighing area. I saw one man once trying to argue with the machine because it never asked if he was having a nice day. I’m hoping that this new IQ test will separate the wheat from the fuckwits.”

Supermarket manager Timmy Tightpants said:

“I always end up scanning people’s shopping at the self-service checkouts in the end because they can’t use them. The amount of times I’ve wanted to butt someone in the face is beyond.”