Struggling families to eat seagull this Christmas

627

Families across Wales will be eating roast seagull this Christmas Day, as Covid restrictions force struggling households to make stark choices.

Families say that supply issues in shops mean that turkey is off the menu this year, and that they’ve been forced to hunt wild seagulls to provide an alternative.

One family member told WalesOnCraic:

“We always have turkey, although I don’t like it as it’s dry as arseholes. We’ve not been able to get our hands on a turkey this year so we’ve been forced to shoot down the seagulls around the back of our house. They’re big birds so there will be plenty to go around. We’re just not so fussed on their legs as turkey legs are often the size of a small horse. I’ve managed to bag a few seagulls and I’ll be selling them to my neighbours at mate’s rates.”

Supermarkets have been hit by the combined effects of the pandemic, Brexit and lazy-arsed managers.

“We might start selling frozen seagulls ourselves,” said one store manager.