Storm Barbara set to batter shit out of UK this Christmas Eve

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Storm Barbara is set to batter the shit out of the UK when she thumps into the country on Christmas Eve.

The Met Office has issued an amber warning for parts of the UK and Santa is having to take extra precautions with his flight plan.

Wales’s weather guru, Derek the Weathersheep told WalesOnCraic:

“It’s a big storm and it’s headed right for us. Sadly, it’s due to hit us on Christmas Eve. Poor old Santa’s likely to get battered around a bit so he’ll need to take extra care. Gusts of up to 90mph are expected for people in northern areas of the UK, not that anyone cares much about them. It will be accompanied by heavy rain and grumblings of ‘Shitty weather isn’t it?’. I advise everyone to stay indoors, crack open the Baileys and get totally smashed.”

The storm has been named Barbara after Dame Barbara Cartland DBE CStJ, born as Mary Barbara Hamilton Cartland, an English author of romance novels, and one of the most prolific and commercially successful worldwide of the twentieth century.

The Daily Express has advised its readers to prepare for Armageddon (again).