South Wales Police Force to begin patrols on Raleigh Burners

Police are to start patrolling areas of South Wales on popular 80’s bike Raleigh Burners.

Police said that they have chosen the Burners because they go really fast and will enable them to chase baddies almost anywhere.

Detective Inspector Brian Rimmer said:

“We believe that we should be giving our boys and girls the best tools to do the jobs. We’ve had officers patrolling on bikes before but they were weighed down by flashing lights and heavy sirens. We will now be equipping our staff with Raleigh Burners, known for their speed and agility in any environment. We’ve also invested in some stickers that they can stick on their spokes and padded handlebar grips so that they don’t fall off. If say, for instance, someone comes running out of Rumbelows with a VCR in their hands that they haven’t paid for, our officers will be able to chase them up alleyways, through gardens and over BMX courses with ease.”

One criminal said he was concerned about the force’s new investment. He said:

“The school bully had a Burner and I just had a shitty Strika. If the cops are going to use Burners, it’s going to bring all those memories of inadequacy flooding back and I don’t think I can handle that.”

The patrols pick up their new bikes on Monday, along with some elbow and knee pads.

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