South Wales earthquake was just a ‘large woman slipping on a kebab’

An ‘earthquake’ that rocked Wales today has been explained away by local geologists.

The earthquake measured 1.1 on the Richter Scale but was put down to an overweight woman slipping on a discarded kebab.

Jonny Pebbleface of the South Wales Earthquake Club said:

“I was in my bedroom earlier today monitoring my earthquake equipment when I noticed that the needle jumped. I noted this down in my notebook and immediately informed the authorities. I told them what I had seen on my equipment and gave them the exact time of the recorded event. They asked me to bring my findings to their office so I packed up my stuff and headed downstairs. Upon opening the front door, I noticed a large woman on the floor outside the kebab shop next door. She was moaning about how she’d bruised her gunt. I inspected the scene further to see an abandoned kebab next to her, some of which was on the bottom of her dap. I therefore concluded that the fat woman had slipped on the kebab, thus causing the mini-earthquake.”

The woman, who didn’t want to be identified said:

“I was too busy tucking into my own kebab to notice the one of the floor and I went arse over tit. I landed on my gunt which really hurt but I’m ok.”

Residents of  Wales reported household ornaments moving as well as hearing a deep rumbling sound across the region.

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