Snipers taking up positions to take out lockdown cockwombles

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The Welsh Assembly has given the go-ahead for snipers to take out any cockwombles who aren’t practising social distancing.

Snipers will be deployed at hundreds of locations across Wales and have been told to shoot at will.

A member of the Assembly, who didn’t want to be identified because he’s shy, told WalesOnCraic:

“We’ve had no choice but to bring in the lads to make this work. They’ve been practising up at the Brecon Beacons for months and they’ve not finally been given the nod to shoot the shit out of anyone not obeying the social distancing rules. These boys can take your tits off at 3 miles away so they’re not the sort you want to go messing with. And the worst thing about it for the cockwombles is that they’ll never know where the snipers are.”

Some cockwombles were not happy at the news.

“If I wants to go to church and then to the shops and then to my mate’s house, I should be allowed. It’s a free country ain’t it?