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Rishi Sunak promises to fix economy shafted by previous Chancellor


PM hopeful Rishi Sunak has laid out his vision of the country should he be chosen as the country’s new leader.

The pint-sized politician said his first priority would be fixing the economy that was trashed under the last Chancellor.

He told TV viewers in a televised debate:

“I don’t know who the last person in charge of the economy was but Jeez, he’s left it in a hell of a state. I’m making this very specific empty promise right here, right now – only I can fix the economy. Trust me. You have to trust me on this one. Please. I’m begging you. Please give me the keys to No. 10. I promise I’ll be good.”

Sunak has been leading a slick PR campaign to take over the leadership. The campaign started in December last year and came to a head earlier this month when he dramatically resigned, saying that it was ‘very unlikely that he’d return to the Cabinet.’

Sunak promises to learn how to use contactless payment cards and to continue standing with his legs far apart at photo opportunities, should he be chosen as the UK’s next Prime Minister.

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