Queen to celebrate 94th birthday by watching Netflix and getting shit-faced

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The Queen has announced that she will be celebrating her 94th birthday by watching Netflix and getting shit-faced.

The long-reigning monarch has said that she’s got a few box sets and three bottles of Lambrini to get through during her lockdown birthday.

A spokeswoman for the Palace told WalesOnCraic:

“One had been hoping to spend one’s evening with one’s girlfriends on the lash but due to social distancing measures, one will have to get shit-faced at home. Philip is on standby to hold her hair, should she need to vom in the solid gold toilet, as she did at Christmas. One had picked out several box sets to get through and one also has three bottles of Lambrini left over from when Harry and Meghan pissed off to Canada. Members of staff will be on standby to make sure one doesn’t go texting people she shouldn’t in her state of shit-facedness.”

The Queen has spent the last few decades opening leisure centres and waving to people from her car.

“She deserves a good birthday,” said the spokeswoman.