Queen misses church as one has a ‘hangover from hell’

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Queen Elizabeth II has missed her traditional New Year’s Day service after staying in bed with a hangover.

The Queen is said to be recovering after downing 17 Jägerbombs and three bottles of Prosecco.

A spokeswoman said:

“One doesn’t like to normally drink but one wanted to see in the New Year in style. One went to the Eazy Booze shop and stocked up on drink and fags. One started the celebrations early and by 7pm, one was already hanging. One did go a bit overboard with the Prosecco and by midnight, one was telling everyone that one loved one. One is therefore feeling pretty rough this morning and has decided to stay in bed with one’s dogs. It may take a few days for one to recover properly.”

One party-goer said:

“She had a go on the karaoke but was shit. I pushed her off the stage and she came back and threw a bottle in my face. One was out of control.”