Queen Elizabeth II Celebrates Becoming Longest-Reigning Monarch By ‘Getting ShitFaced And Plotting To Invade France’

1530

Queen Elizabeth II has celebrated becoming the longest-reigning UK monarch by getting shitfaced on Strongbow and ‘plotting to invade France’ according to Welsh celebrity gossip columnist Lyndon Glittershit.

Glittershit told WalesOnCraic:

“My sources inside the palace tell me that M’am got totally shitfaced last night. She was up singing to Abba until 3am and then started waffling on about invading France and moving the Eiffel Tower to Trafalgar Square. Phillip was in bed by 10 because he has an appointment with the chiropodist this morning so palace staff had to put her to bed.”

The Queen will have reigned for 63 years and seven months, in which time she has opened such prestigious events such as the Treorchy Catholic Mothers’ Jumble Sale, as well as Port Talbot’s Dogging Jamboree.

Glittershit added:

“I expect her head is thumping this morning. If I were her, I’d stay in her posh bed all day and be waited on, hand and foot, like she does every day. I might pop down to Bargain Cards actually and get her a Get Well Card to go along with her Congratulations card.”