PROVEN: Excessive masturbating makes you bald

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bald-twat

Welsh scientists have proven a link between excessive masturbating and baldness.

One professor has found that people who masturbate more than three times a day are 70% more likely to go bald.

Professor Brian Boggleyes told WalesOnCraic:

“We’ve always suspected a link between excessive masturbating and baldness and we thought we’d address this once and for all. I myself was the subject of this study and for 20 years, I masturbated at least three times a day. After 20 years, I discovered that I had indeed made myself bald. I put everything down on paper and published it at a local university. I’m sure my findings will come as a great interest to some people but probably not.”

Professor Boggleyes’ next project will be looking at the link between eating shit food and being fat.