Welsh scientists have proven a link between excessive masturbating and baldness.
One professor has found that people who masturbate more than three times a day are 70% more likely to go bald.
Professor Brian Boggleyes told WalesOnCraic:
“We’ve always suspected a link between excessive masturbating and baldness and we thought we’d address this once and for all. I myself was the subject of this study and for 20 years, I masturbated at least three times a day. After 20 years, I discovered that I had indeed made myself bald. I put everything down on paper and published it at a local university. I’m sure my findings will come as a great interest to some people but probably not.”
Professor Boggleyes’ next project will be looking at the link between eating shit food and being fat.

