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BREAKING: Prince Philip to retire from royal engagements to focus on trolling duties

Prince Philip is to step down from his royal duties in the autumn to concentrate on his full-time trolling duties.

Buckingham Palace said that insulting people was much more fun than unveiling plaques.

A spokeswoman said:

“He’s been unveiling plaques all his life. Decades and decades of that shit does one’s head in. We have therefore called a meeting to let everyone know that Philip will be stepping down in the autumn so that he can focus on his trolling. For many years, Philip has tried his best to insult people from all over the world where he can but his royal duties have hampered this. From the autumn onwards, Philip will be able to travel the world unfettered by the suffocation of royal bollocks. He’s going to visit various countries over the winter and insult them.”

A Prince Philip fan said:

“I can’t wait. I love the fact that Philip really doesn’t give a shit about what he says. We need more people like him.”

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