Police given new powers to beat shit out of parking wankers

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The Welsh Assembly have granted new powers to police to allow them to beat the shit out of people who can’t park their cars.

It follows months of pressure from motorists who can’t find a place to park because some other dickhead can’t park their own cars properly.

Campaigner Sian Moany told WalesOnCraic:

“We are sick to the back teeth of these arseholes thinking that they can park wherever they want. We are looking forward to seeing them getting beaten within an inch of their lives. I know that some of the rozzers around here have been dying to get stuck in and now that they have clearance from Carwyn, they’ll be round our car parks like flies around shit.”

Police officer Gary Twogunts said:

“I’ve got myself a new truncheon and I can’t wait to use it. Bring. It. On.”