This phone app allows men to decipher women’s cryptic sentences in real time

A phone app invented by a Welsh company has been launched to help men decode women’s cryptic messages as they speak.

It will allow men to understand sentences such as ‘I’ll be ready in 5 minutes’, which means ‘Sit back, relax and have a beer’.

Inventor Harry SmartArse told WalesOnCraic:

“Men have struggled since the days of Adam to understand what women are saying. They speak in tongues deliberately to keep us men on our toes. For instance, a woman might say ‘Isn’t it strange how cornflakes gather in the corner of the kitchen floor?’, which to most normal people, would mean ‘Isn’t it strange how cornflakes gather in the corner of the kitchen floor?’. But what she is really saying is that the kitchen floor is dirty and needs hoovering. Furthermore, she is asking the man to do the hoover because it’s his job to do this week and he hasn’t done it. Our new phone app will be on standby 24 hours a day to pick up and decode these sentences in real time. This will allow lads to understand the female friends a bit better and hopefully, will cut down on the world’s divorce rate. Up until now, the only thing that could help men decipher women’s messages was a trip to Bletchley Park.”

Husband Kevin Slob said:

“My girlfriend came in last night, punched me in the face and told me to move out in five minutes or I’ll get a kick to the bollocks. I found out later that she was just asking for a hug. How was I supposed to know? This new phone app will really help me in the future.”

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