People form queues to buy dead birds

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People across the UK have been forming orderly queues to buy dead birds.

They have also been swapping money for chunks of other dead animals that they intend to put in their mouths over Christmas.

Butcher Freddie ‘Kruger’ SausageFingers told WalesOnCraic:

“We bought a load of birds back in the autumn and pumped them full of all kinds of shit to make them as big as possible. We cut their feet off so that they wouldn’t run away and kept them in the dark so that they wouldn’t know anything about the outside world. Then last week, a few of my mates came round with some big knives and we set about murdering them all and vaccuum-wrapping them so that we could make lots of money from our dead birds. Easy money.”

Shopper Carol ‘Bloodlust’ Jones said:

“I love cutting open a big dead bird and feeding it to my family. It makes us all feel very festive. I also picked up lumps of dead lambs while I was there as my husband does like eating baby sheep.”