Parents: we will be rolling our kids back to school

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Parents have warned schools that they will be rolling their children back to school once the lockdown is eased.

Children across the country have been eating their way through household food supplies like biblical plagues of locusts.

Parent of three, Mandi Slackflaps, told WalesOnCraic:

“I sends my husband out every day to go and get food in. As soon as he’s brought it back, they’re there waiting like vultures, to tear into the shopping bags. It’s like feeding time at the zoo. As soon as my fat arse touches my sofa, I get requests for more food. Back out to the kitchen I go – it’s where I’ve spent the last month and a half. I’ve had to write to the school to let them know that I’ll be rolling my kids to school when all this is over. They need to have adequate provisions in place for many rotund children as I know that mine won’t be the only one to have gone spherical. I’m rolling my kids around the house as it is.”

Headteacher Gilly Drycrack said:

“School? What’s that then? Oh yes! Remember that? Hic.”

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