One is concerned that one will come for a state visit and piss all over one’s bed sheets

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Queen Elizabeth has finally broken her silence on the controversial state visit of US President Donald Trump.

The Queen told the press that she is concerned for the safety of her posh bed linen, which she got for half price in Waitrose.

A spokeswoman for Buckingham Palace said:

“One is concerned that one will come for a state visit and piss all over one’s bed sheets. These bed sheets are the finest 100% Egyptian cotton and one is worried that these will become soiled should the US President visit. One is disappointed that Theresa May got in quick with an invitation to bring him over here. Should could have waited until we’d had the guttering done at least. Should the US President decide to visit us here in the UK, one may have to put one up in a Travelodge so that they can deal with any soiled bed linen. Her Majesty has far too much on her plate to go round cleaning up pissy duvets.”

A spokesman for the White House said:

“We could have sworn that there were billions of people at the inauguration. Honestly. There were loads of dudes out there. We’re gunna prove it one way or another. The media are lying through their teeth. They are the real enemy of this country. There were LOADS of people there.”

Protests have been taking place all over the UK to stop Mr Trump from visiting the UK and pissing all over the Queen’s bed sheets.