One Direction in Cardiff: The WalesOnCraic Interview


One Direction and their Prepubescent Posse head to Wales this week. WalesOnCraic were given exclusive access to the four musical prodigies.

WoC: Hi guys
George: Hi
John: Hi
Paul: Hi
Ringo: Hi

WoC: So you’re in Cardiff. What do you think of our capital city?
George: Yeah, it’s nice.
John: It’s alright. I was trying to figure out where the best place to eat was around here and someone told me Dorothy’s on Chippy Lane. Said they do a nice line in fine dining.
Paul: It’s pissing down. And your bus station is a pile of shit.
Ringo: As a capital city, its demographics are both diverse and wide-ranging. I applaud your investment in regeneration projects, such as Cardiff Bay and other urban developments.

WoC: You’re playing at the iconic Millennium Stadium. Are you impressed?
George: Yeah, it’s nice.
John: It’s alright. I was trying to find a nice place to take a dump and they recommended the gents on Level 3. I couldn’t even find a sink to piss in.
Paul: Waste of space. Should knock the whole fucking lot down and stick a car park there.
Ringo: As a piece of post-modernist architecture, I feel it brings brings the artist and the paying audience together in one beautiful ballet of time.

WoC: You’ve obviously become extremely famous over the years. How does that feel?
George: Yeah, it’s nice.
John: It’s alright. Could do with a proper bed though. I’m sick of shacking up with roadies.
Paul: Fuckin’ hate it. I still wish I was working in Primark.
Ringo: To be able to devote time to my art means that I am a truly grateful individual. The financial rewards are nothing compared to the spiritual satisfaction.

WoC: How did you feel when Zayne left the band? Did you cry?
George: Yeah, it’s nice.
John: It was alright. Bet the prick’s raking it in on his own. I didn’t cry though cos I’m hard as nails.
Paul: Who?
Ringo: We felt Zayne’s departure both as a physical loss, and a moral one.

WoC: What can the crowds expect at your show this week?
George: Yeah, it’s nice.
Zippy: Us singing songs and dancing about the stage like twats.
Bungle: A shower of shite.
Geoffrey: A truly emblematic performance from four musical geniuses.

WoC: What’s your favourite sport?
George: Yeah, it’s nice.
Zippy: Footie.
Bungle: Topless darts.
Geoffrey: Crème brûlée

WoC: Does it piss everyone off that everyone fancies Harry?
George: Yeah. Twat.
John: Yeah. Twat.
Paul: Yeah. Twat.
Ringo: I can’t help it.