Old people to be shipped off to India

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WalesOnCraic has received word from a reliable source, that an unnamed County Council is looking at a proposal to placing elderly people in their care with no family, to a Care Home that it is building in Uttar Pradesh in India.

Dorothy Oldwoman, our social care reporter overheard a conversation at a Christmas party attended by social services staff and the Cabinet member for Social Care, Cllr X.

With the squeeze on Council budgets due to austerity, the Council is considering a proposal to place elderly residents with no family, into a purpose built Residential/ Nursing Home in India. The costs there to the Council would be £50 per week, compared to the cost of over £600 a week, in local residential homes.

It appears that with saving £550 per elderly person, per week, with 150 residents in care with no immediate family, it could save the Council over £4 million a year.

Cllr X was heard saying:

“The elderly with no family will have a modern facility. No heating as the temperature in Uttar Pradesh is always warm or hot. They will have no need for a holiday as they will already be now living in India. Also, they will have curry every night.”

Dorothy Oldwoman spoke to a resident at The Twilight Rest Home who said:

“I can’t wait to move to India. This home smells of piss. I know my roommate is jealous and has told their family to piss off and never visit him again, so he can then request a transfer to the new care home in India. He’s even cut them out of his will, other than leaving them his debts. We already love curry night in this home and we occasionally phone out for a curry to be delivered here. And to think we will get it 7 days a week. I can’t wait.”

To make residents feel that they are still British, the Care Home will provide a traditional Sunday dinner, on request.

When the news broke, Dorothy Oldwoman approached the Association of Welsh County Councils (AWCC), who confirmed that the idea was being looked at by all Welsh Councils and that the savings could resolve the black holes in several Council’s budgets. Indeed, some are looking at introducing an incentive scheme to encourage more elderly in care to move to care homes in Wales. Several Councils are so positive about the idea that they see this as a means to getting all the potholes and poor roads, repaired. They see it as a win-win.

As 89 year old Ivor Notlongtolive said:

“I can’t wait to move to India. I love a Chicken Jalfrezi and Peshwari Naan. And because it’s so cheap over there, we will get as much Cobra beer as we can drink.”

Ivor’s son Dewi said:

“I can’t wait for Dad to go to India. To be honest, I can’t wait for when I have to go in a home. I’d be out of this country like a shot. SO much warmer in India.”