North Wales earthquake was just ‘fat bird slipping on a kebab’

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An ‘earthquake’ that rocked North Wales earlier today has been explained away by local geologists.

The earthquake measured 1.1 on the Richter Scale but was put down to an overweight woman slipping on a discarded kebab.

Jonny Pebbleface of the North Wales Earthquake Club said:

“I was in my bedroom earlier today monitoring my earthquake equipment when I noticed that the needle jumped. I noted this down in my notebook and immediately informed the authorities. I told them what I had seen on my equipment and gave them the exact time of the recorded event. They asked me to bring my findings to their office so I packed up my stuff and headed downstairs. Upon opening the front door, I noticed a large woman on the floor outside the kebab shop next door. She was moaning about how she’d bruised her gunt. I inspected the scene further to see an abandoned kebab next to her, some of which was on the bottom of her dap. I therefore concluded that the fat woman had slipped on the kebab, thus causing the mini-earthquake.”

The woman, who didn’t want to be identified said:

“I was too busy tucking into my own kebab to notice the one of the floor and I went arse over tit. I landed on my gunt which really hurt but I’m ok.”

Residents of North Wales reported household ornaments moving as well as hearing a deep rumbling sound across the region.