North Korea nuclear strike on Newport would cause ‘untold improvements’

A leading scientist has told WalesOnCraic that a nuclear strike by North Korea on Newport would cause ‘significant improvements’.

Professor Jim FourEyes from the University of FackAll said that the cathedral city would be most to benefit from such a strike.

FourEyes told WalesOnCraic:

“Kim Jong Un would be doing Newport a favour by dropping one of his new toys on Newport. A strike at the heart of the city would see untold improvements across Newport, maybe even reaching areas like St. Julians Marshfield. It’d be great to see the Brynglas Tunnels being vapourised – I often dream of seeing that and it’s great to see that the North Korean leader has our interests at heart.”

Kim Jong Un has also expressed an interest in flattening what’s left of Pensycnor Wildlife Park so that he can build a new golf complex on the site.

A spokesman said:

“There are areas of Wales that we would like to regenerate and dedicate to our glorious leader. We have earmarked several sites that could do with some redevelopment and our boys are currently building the weapons to do that. Once the sites have been cleared, we’ll be looking to bring local jobs to the local economy by rebuilding some lovely golf clubs, all dedicated to our leader and demi-god, Mr Jong Un. We’ll be selling T shirts and mugs, all at a very good price.”

A weapons expert has thrown doubt on the ability for North Korea to land a strike in South East Wales:

“Those boys in the police chopper do a very good job and if necessary, they’ll see off any intercontinental ballistic missile.”

If 2020’s been a bit shit, start planning now for a better 2021. Click here or on the image to get yours now

The Latest

To Top