Newly-wed wife divorces husband after discovering that he calls baps ‘cobs’

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A newly-wed wife has filed for divorce after finding out that her new husband refers to baps as ‘cobs’.

The couple had only been married a week when they popped into Greggs to get some food.

The wife, who didn’t want to be identified for fear of embarrassment told WalesOnCraic:

“He was Mr Perfect. He was rich, tall, handsome and had a three foot todger. Marrying him was the best day of my life. I was totally in love with him from top to toe. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him – until he opened his mouth in the middle of my local Greggs and asked for a ham ‘cob’. I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. I wanted the floor to eat me up. I went hot and cold at the same time. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him. That was the moment that my world came crashing down. The money, his tallness and his three foot todger meant nothing to me in an instant. I hated him on the spot. No one goes into Greggs and asks for a farking ‘cob’. It was then that I realised he wasn’t for me. Even though we only got married last week, I’ve filed for divorce. I don’t want to speak to him again. As far as I’m interested, he doesn’t exist.”

Husband John said:

“I only asked for ham cob. We are obviously too different to make this marriage work so I’ll go and find someone who has more in common.”

A spokeswoman for Greggs was unavailable for comment because the shop was shut when we tried calling her.