New vegan sausage rolls contain synthetic eyeballs and arseholes

A new range of vegan sausage rolls that go on sale today contain fake eyeballs and arseholes.

The sausage-makers say that they are the most authentic meat-free sausages on the market.

Billy Bobblehat, owner of Eyeballs & Arseholes told WalesOnCraic:

“We all know that vegans like a bit of sausage from time to time so we’ve created the perfect meat-free version for them to enjoy. We’ve included fake eyeballs and arseholes into our sausages to really create that unique taste. We’ve also thrown in some fake gristle and shit that we picked up off the floor – vegans really can’t complain now that they’re missing out when they go to the chip shop.”

Vegan sausage fan Carol Cabbage said:

“I’d love to walk to the shop to buy some but I’m too weak to walk there. I’ll have to order them online instead.”

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