Needy insecure psychopath romantically asks woman ‘to be his’

A need insecure psychopath has romantically and publicly asked a woman to be his.

Brandon Dirtygrits followed up his public romantic gesture by giving her an offer she couldn’t refuse – that he needs her.

The woman, who didn’t want to be named, told WalesOnCraic:

“I was out buying some bleach up at Kwik Save when this smelly weirdo came lurking around Aisle 6. Every aisle I went to, he popped up. It was like he was following me. After a while, I bent down to pick up some sponge scourers when I heard a voice behind me. I looked up and it was this guy. He smelt of chicken soup. Before I knew it, he was down on one knee, asking if I’d be his. I didn’t want to be his so I told him to piss off. He then said that he needed me and that made all the difference. We’re now getting married in the morning.”

Store manager Jeff Arsehole said:

“We always love it when people propose in our store. It’s never happened before mind. I have to go now as we’ve got a delivery of kitchen rolls that need getting out on the shelves.”