Space agency NASA has announced a major discovery of intelligent life in Newport.
Scientists believe that the signals were coming from a Cardiff commuter who had got off at the wrong train station from London.
A NASA scientist told WalesOnCraic:
“We are genuinely excited about this discovery. We’ve been searching for signs of intelligent life in Newport for many decades now. Until yesterday, we had picked up nothing from our receiving stations. But at 2.54am yesterday morning, we picked up some movement. Further investigations revealed that we had indeed found signs of intelligent life in the city. We sent our rovers down to have a look and they found a drunk commuter lying on a park bench. A detailed analysis showed that he was in fact, a Cardiffian. We can hypothesise about what happens but one of the boys on the case reckons that this person had got drunk on the way back from London and had gotten off at Newport instead of Cardiff. Having missed the last train back home, this creature settled on a park bench for the night, which is where we found them.”
The Welsh Space Agency said that they were unaware of the latest findings.
Timmy Telescope of the agency said:
“We were too busy trying to make a homemade rocket out of washing up bottles and old cartons.”