Former Secretary of State for Justice Michael Gove has been put in charge of policing fields of wheat.
His new post of Environment Secretary will mean that he’ll need to stand in fields of wheat shooing away hard-nosed criminals who are intent on running through them.
A spokesman for the Cabinet told WalesOnCraic:
“Michael will do a very good job for us shooing people away. We have a real problem in our countryside of people running through our fields of wheat. They are often hard-nosed criminals who show no regard for our farmers’ crops. Michael’s job will entail standing in the fields and telling people to go away. He starts on Monday and will be on a zero hours contract which is fine by us because we won’t actually have to use him and therefore, we won’t actually have to pay him anything either. He’ll report back on Friday afternoons, if he works, and he’ll also get a posh cardy to keep him warm when the weather turns.”
Farmer Phil Giles said:
“I’m not having that turd stood in my fields of wheat. He can go bugger himself.”