Makers of Turkey Twizzlers to buy Jamie Oliver’s restaurants

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The makers of Turkey Twizzlers are set to snap up the Jamie Oliver restaurants that have been earmarked for closure.

Jamie Oliver was the driving force behind the ban on Turkey Twizzlers being banned in schools.

Turkey Twizzler boss Bobby Gobbleneck told WalesOnCraic:

“People loved Turkey Twizzlers. When we got the contract to serve them in schools, I was able to go and buy myself an Aston Martin. Then Jamie got involved. Alright, they were full of fat and sugar and bits of dead bird that no-one else wanted but hey – that’s what kids wanted back then. When they were banned, I had to sell my Aston Martin and my big-boobed gold-digger of a wife left me. I had to end up buying a second hand Toyota Corolla and living with my parents. I blame Jamie for all this. But that was a blessing in disguise as I was able to save up some money while living with my parents. Now that Jamie’s restaurants are being sold, I’m going to snap them all up and sell nothing but Turkey Twizzlers. Life’s a funny thing, except for turkeys of course.”

A spokesman for Mr Oliver said:

“You just made all of that up didn’t you? You did. I watched you write it. It’s all lies.”