The Welsh Assembly Government is to spend £3bn on a project to find out why leaves are falling off trees.
Leaves have been mysteriously falling from trees since early September, prompting the Assembly’s Tree Disease Control Division to investigate.
Clem Shinyshoes of the Tree Disease Control Division told WalesOnCraic:
“This seems to becoming an annual event now. One minute all the leaves are sat on the branches like they should be and the next, they’re just dying and dropping off. This problem seems to be affecting most trees across the UK and we’re afraid that we’ve got some kind of epidemic on our hands. As a forward-thinking government, we’re using some of the tax-payers’ money to get to the root of the problem, if you’ll excuse the pun. Haha. I’m so funny. Actually, I once appeared on Opportunity Knocks. That’s a lie. I nearly appeared on Opportunity Knocks but I got run over by a milk float the morning before so I never went. To think of what I could have become…sigh.”
A leading tree surgeon added:
“We need to get on top of this right now because we’ll end up with trees with no leaves on them by winter if it carries on at this rate,” added Shinyshoes.