Kanye West to open charity shop in Tonypandy

Fresh from singing a shower of shite at the Brits, legendary US rapper Kanye West is set to open a charity shop in Tonypandy.

That’s according to local councillor Jayne Twoshoes, who will be present at the 145th charity shop to be opened in the town.

She told WalesOnCraic:

“His performance at the Brits was a total pile of shit. But hey, that’s just my opinion. I’m sure everyone else loved him. He did call me straight after the Brits though and asked if he could open the new Save The Doggies charity shop next month. I had to check to make sure that no other celebrities were doing it but luckily, there was a spot for him. I just hope he doesn’t bring his mate who was firing all that fire and shit all over the place. The last thing we want is the fire brigade there.”

Residents have welcomed the news. One fan said:

“The man is a legend. I like the way he stands on the stage and sings about stuff. It’s really deep and meaningful stuff too, not like Buddy Holly. I look forward to shaking his hand and maybe buying a second hand pair of shoes or something.”

No one has confirmed Jayne Twoshoes’ claim that the rapper is opening the store.