Kanye West Cancels Rhyl Jumble Sale Opening After Discovering He’d Be Cutting The Ribbon With Lord Mayor

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US rap star Kanye West has cancelled his planned opening of a jumble sale in Rhyl after he discovered that he would be cutting the ribbon with the Lord Mayor of Rhyl.

West, the most talented man in the world, was due to open the Women’s Institute Easter Jumble Sale in March. But their plans now lie in tatters.

Women’s Institute Leader Ethel Leathercrotch said she was disappointed:

“I’m pissed off. We were after a world-class talent to open our jumble sale. We couldn’t get hold of Keith Chegwin and now this. We’re going to have to go back to the drawing board and find someone else. Is H from Steps still alive?”

West put out a statement regarding the Jumble Sale opening.

“I, Kanye West cannot be seen on stage anywhere with no one else when I am in public. Opening the jumble sail with the major will effect my genius and I won’t be able to think up any more great hits. I therefore pull out from this with immediate affect. Love Kayne xx”