Indigenous Cowbridge population to be declared sentient

In a recent scientific development, experts have declared that the indigenous people of the Vale of Glamorgan should be recognised for their sentience.

Following many centuries of rural isolation, the agrarian population of Cowbridge and its environs had become somewhat prone to genetic conditions thought to be a result of restricted breed diversity.

WalesOnCraic spoke to Genetic Scientist, Imelda Fudge-Centrifuge. She said:

“Basically the local people had become thick as fuck and we felt the need to find out why. Genetic tests in the early nineties suggested that the entire population shared a two-generation removed common parentage. We also found traces of horse DNA in 80% of residents.”

Imelda continued:

“However, in recent years, we noted a greater genetic diversity and increased sales in loo roll at the local Waitrose. It appears from anecdotal evidence that wannabe posh twat incomers to Cowbridge have bred with the local population, possibly mistaking their wearing of Barbour and Hunter for a sign of wealth and poshness.

“It’s probably about time that we re-classified the population as sentient near-human persons; similar to the proposition for dolphins by the AAAS. I wouldn’t go as far to say that they are more clever than octopuses, but they have been known to attempt to fit themselves into inappropriately small storage jars.”