“I thought UV lights and disinfectant would give me superpowers,” says Ponty man from hospital

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After listening to President Trump’s recent Press Briefing, Dave Thicko from Pontypontpont decided to lay down under ultraviolet lights for three hours and then inject himself with disinfectant.

“I didn’t think it would have bad side effects, only good ones,” said Thicko, from his hospital bed in the MAGA Ward.

“I’ve seen loads of superhero films, like SpiderMan, The Hulk and Les Miserables so I know how they got their superpowers. But mine just didn’t work. This time.”

Thicko does have a past record of trying to be a superhero. Two years ago he tried to gain the power of electricity but knocked himself unconscious whilst trying to close the microwave door on his head.