Half-eaten Greggs sausage roll discovered on Mars

A half-eaten Greggs sausage roll has been discovered on the planet Mars.

The discovery was made by an amateur Welsh astronomer Dilwyn Doublegunt – with just a very large telescope.

He told WalesOnCraic:

“My missis bought me this telescope from Argos. I told her that I used to watch Tomorrow’s World when I was younger, and bless her heart, she went out and got me this massive fuck-off telescope the day after. At first, I used to watch Betty Bumflaps across the road when she was getting changed out of her Peacocks uniform, but after a while, I turned my attention to the stars. I had just finished watching my Sweeney box set and I thought I’d have a look at Mars. I was astonished to see a half-eaten Greggs sausage roll there sat there like it was for all the world on a Merthyr side street. I didn’t know who to phone to report it so I phoned the police but they told me to fuck off and get a life.”

Dilwyn now plans to look at other planets and stars to see if he can find more evidence of Greggs-branded packaging.

The Latest

To Top