Grown men across Wales have been told to get their hands out of their pants or face prosecution.
The new law is aimed at lads who insist on playing with their furry acorns in public.
Assembly minister Larry Halfhead told WalesOnCraic:
“We’re all sick of these fully-grown men walking around playing with their bollocks. It’s just not right. Women don’t walk around playing with their bits so why do men think that they can do it? We’re introducing a new law that will see on-the-spot fines handed out whenever one of our officers spots someone playing pocket billiards. Our officers will be wearing special gloves so that they won’t have to handle the £20 notes that will be handed over. The notes will be tarnished will bollock juice and our boys have sandwiches for lunch so it’s only fair.”
One fully-grown male said:
“This is grossly unfair. I love playing with my todger when I am out and about in public. I’m going to have to buy myself some false arms so that I can play with them in secret from now on. This is an outrage on my civic entitlements.”