Gingers advised to stay indoors for next two days

Gingers across the country have been advised to stay indoors for the next two days.

Temperatures across the UK are set to leave many with sweaty bollocks and clammy tits.

A spokesman for the Weather Centre told WalesOnCraic:

“We are looking at another mini heatwave over the next two days. Temperatures are set to reach the high 20s, leaving many with sweat coming out of pores they never knew they had. We have issued a warning to gingers across the land to stay indoors as they may vanish in a puff of steam. They may venture out after 9pm when the sun is on its way down but they will need to be back indoors again by 5am the following morning. We cannot be held responsible for burnt gingers.”

Ginger woman Betty Bumflaps said:

“I opened the curtains the last time we had a heatwave and I went red in seconds. I’m taking no chances this time and will be staying in bed until Friday.”

Thunderstorms are set to bring the mini heatwave to a close and people are advised to put wellies on if they are going to be struck by lightning.

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