‘Forget paper straws – if you want to save fish, stop eating them’ customers told

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Customers of a fast-food chain have been told to forget saving fish by using paper straws, and told to simply stop eating them instead.

Those who currently eat fish have been told the easiest way of saving the fish is to stop eating them.

Manager Harry Halfhead told WalesOnCraic:

“It’s pretty simple really. Forget ditching plastic straws. Stop farting around with paper straws. Just stop eating them. That way, the fish are free to do what they want whenever they want instead of being chopped up into little bits. We’ve got some pretty thick customers in here that think they’re some kind of eco-hero for using plastic straws. They look pretty smug with themselves when they walk out of here, full of fish. We sell all kinds of shit in here and people have no idea where it all comes from.”

One customer said:

“I loves eating fishes I does. They’re so yummy and full of goodness. Sometimes I have fishes and chips for tea though but only on a Friday because that’s when Darren gets paid.”