Firework fanatics across Wales are in advanced stages of becoming annoying arseholes, according to an intelligence report shown to WalesOnCraic.
Fans of the combustible shitshows are planning late night firework explosions to wake sleeping children and scare pets.
An informant told WalesOnCraic:
“Like Guy Fawkes himself, these people have been plotting for months. We know of one guy who has spent his last 12 months’ rent on fireworks and has been storing them in his shed. He plans on letting off a salvo on his local estate around 11pm in the next few nights, just to annoy people. Elsewhere, we’ve got one group of lads who are planning to let theirs off in the day time. We’re not quite sure what that’s all about but each to their own. What we can say is that these people are in the advanced stages of becoming annoying arseholes and we only await their onlsaught.”
One firework fan told WalesOnCraic:
“I loves fireworks I does. They goes up in the sky and goes bang and they looks so pretty. I’ve just sold my mum so I can make sure I’ve got my stash for this year.”