EVERYTHING You Need To Know About Friday’s Eclipse

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Wales will be experiencing one of the world’s wonderful natural events this Friday when we will experience a near partial eclipse. Here’s Royston Butterscotch with the answers to all your questions:

When will it take place?

Friday. I just told you.

No. I mean what time?

About 9.20 on Friday morning.

How long will it last?

Ten, fifteen minutes maybe.

Will it get dark?

Probably.

Why does it happen?

Don’t know. Think Earth crashes into Mars. Or something.

Will all the birds stop singing?

How would I know? Ask them.

Will the street lights come on?

Mate, what’s with all these questions? I’ve only just woken up.

Are you grumpy?

Yes. Now leave me alone.

Will the Wales murder rate go up during the eclipse?

It will if you don’t fuck off.

Will anyone be serving refreshments?

Mate.

Will anyone be selling merchandise?

Mate. I’m warning you.

You’re being very rude. I am going to report you.

Do you know who you’re talking to?

No.

Good. Now fuck off.