Firstly, please forgive us if we’re a bit excited about Euro 2016. Unlike you, it’s been a long time since we featured in a big footballing competition so for us, 2016 is a big deal.
Secondly, we wanted to wish you good luck in the competition – but not enough to get you through to the next round. As you know, some of us Welshies love you, some of us don’t. But when it comes to beating England at sport, it’s always that little bit sweeter if we do it. It’s not because you conquered us and made us speak your language; it’s not because your wealthy industrialists came and clawed out the dirty coal from our rolling green hills and left them scarred and wounded; and it’s not because you gave us the Welsh Assembly as a token gesture of our autonomy. No – it’s because we like to see you fail at our expense.
Take the Rugby World Cup for instance. Ok, so we let you beat us in the Six Nations earlier in the year. But that was only to lull you into a false sense of security by the time the big tournament came round. Our sing-songs of victory lasted well into the night.
Sadly, we need to look back to 1984 to recall the last time Wales beat England at football. We’ve never been brilliant at it if we’re honest. But the fact is, we are now. Yes, we’ve got some big names in our team – Bale and Ramsey the two main lynchpins. But we’ve also got a great team of unsung heroes that will be looking to take you down in June. But here’s a little confession for you – like the rugby, we’ve been pretending that we’ve been rubbish for a while, just to lull you into a false sense of security.
So when it comes to the sunny summer months, we’ll be sat in our beer gardens, supping our ice cold beers and cheering on the boys in red. Like we said, we’ve got nothing against you – we just want to see you heading home earlier than you’d hoped. Having said that, it may come down to you having to do us a favour against the pesky Slovaks and the Russians so we’ll let you know if we’d like you to be our friends at any point.
Good luck – but not too much.