English businessman swallows tongue trying to pronounce Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

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A man from England has swallowed his tongue attempting to impress a Welsh woman by saying ‘Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch’.

Tarquin Smythe, from Twickenham, was in Newport on business when he got talking to Denise DroopyTits at the local Wetherspoon bar.

He told WalesOnCraic:

“I saw this dolly bird who looked rather up for it, and as I was playing away, I thought I’d make a move. We got talking and then I told her that I was able to pronounce that really long place from up in North Wales. I put my drink down, got my mouth in shape and went for it. Sadly, it all went tits up when I tried to do the ‘gogogoch’ bit at the end and I ended up swallowing my tongue. The girl hadn’t noticed but she was so impressed with it all, that she stuck her tongue down my throat and thankfully, rescued mine. It was all great fun. We then went to a Ibis Budget hotel when we sat on each others’ faces for the night. I love Wales.”

Staff at the Wetherspoon were unaware of the potentially life-threatening escapade. Bar girl Simone Stinkyfingers said:

“I didn’t notice a thing. I was too busy making people wait at the bar.”