Dopey dickheads turn up for work with lobstrosity after falling asleep in the sun

Dopey dickheads are turning up for work this morning with snooker-ball coloured faces after falling asleep in the sun yesterday.

The hot weather has caught many people unawares and are now suffering from the condition known as lobstrosity.

One victim told WalesOnCraic:

“I was only sat out in the sun for ten minutes and the next thing I know, I’m waking up and my face has burnt to a crisp. My eyes are like pissholes in the snow and I could heat my entire living room for three days just by popping my head around the door. I was stood waiting to cross the road on my way to work and all the cars stopped thinking I was a red light. Surely I can be sent home for this. I’m ill.”

Manager Terry ShinyShoes said:

“We have a few members of staff turning up today who look like they’ve had their faces industrially sand-blasted. We cannot afford to send them home so they will have to stay here and work like the rest of us. If they’re falling asleep in the sun then they’re asking for trouble and thoroughly deserve looking so silly.”

The hot weather is set to continue until Thursday when it’s not going to be so hot.

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