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Dog walker fined for ‘decorating’ trees with poo bags

A dog walker has been fined for slingshotting poo bags into local trees.

Danny Dispshit tried to explain away his littering as ‘decorating’ bare-looking trees.

Speaking from outside court, he told WalesOnCraic:

“It was coming up to Christmas and the trees had lost most of their leaves and were looking particularly bare. At the time, my dog Bessie had really bad guts and was shitting through the eye of a needle so I had plenty of full poo bags on me. With no bins around, I had the great idea of decorating the trees so I spent half an hour slingshotting the shit bags into the trees. I thought it looked really nice and festive but there’s always one moaner isn’t there? I was arrested on my way to Kwik Save because I was out of bread and needed some for my lunch.”

A spokeswoman for the police said:

“If arseholes like this think that they can come and hang dog shit from trees like this, they’ve got another thing coming. I’ve instructed our boys to twat anyone they see doing this, full in the face with a tazer.”

Dipshit was fined £15 and told to pick the shit up.