Desperate Cameron Now Offers Full Independence to Scots ‘No’ Voters

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The three main leaders of the three main Westminster parties have offered Scotland full and unfettered independence from the UK if they vote ‘No’ in a desperate attempt to stop people voting ‘Yes’ in the forthcoming referendum.

David Cameron, that dopey Miliband bloke, plus the other one, have all signed a document that will give Scotland full independence – on the condition that they vote ‘No’.

Cameron told WalesOnCraic:

“It seems that the Scottish people have already decided to break away from the United Kingdom. But the last thing we want is people actually saying ‘Yes’ to Emperor Salmond at this referendum so we thought we’d offer independence anyway as part of a ‘No’ vote, just to piss him off.”

A spokeswoman for the Scottish nationalists told WalesOnCraic:

“Och aye the nicky noo.” among other stereotypical outbursts before she went to order a battered Mars bar and do a Highland jig.

Voters go to the polls on Thursday to decide the fate of the Scottish nation.