Carwyn Jones to become official Derek Brockway impersonator after politics

WalesOnCraic can exclusively reveal that Wales’ First Minister, Carwyn Jones has intimated his future career plans once he stands down from his post.

Carwyn Jones was interviewed by WalesOnCraic’s Political Editor, Gloria Lovelybuns, just before Assembly members went home from the Senedd for their Christmas holiday.

When pressed for his future plans, Carwyn was quite forthright in his answer. Though a few bottles of wine at lunch, probably helped loosen him up.

Gloria Lovelybuns asked:

“You have been First Minister and Leader of Welsh Labour since 2009. What are your plans once you decide you have had enough, or the voters vote you out in 2021?”

Carwyn replied:

“I have been First Minister for 7 years and wherever I go in Wales, whether it’s on Welsh Government business or going shopping in my Bridgend constituency, I get greeted by everyone wanting my autograph or calling out ‘What’s the weather tomorrow, Derek?’

Carwyn continued:

“I am fed up to the back teeth in always being mistaken for Derek bloody Brockway. After 7 years, no one in Wales recognises me for who I am and what I’ve done. I sometimes cry myself to sleep. Lisa understands how hurt I am and she came up with a brilliant solution.

“Derek Brockway is a good friend and we had a chat. Derek is a national treasure here in Wales and he is totally bogged down in his work and making appearances across Wales. If Derek isn’t presenting the weather, he’s busy as Weatherman Walking, writing his books, or attending book signings.

“No wonder Derek has gone prematurely grey. He is always so busy across Wales. I am always busy myself, as First Minister and as Assembly Member for Bridgend. Yet it’s almost as if I am invisible,” said Carwyn, crying into a glass of red wine, supplied by WalesOnCraic.

Carwyn went onto explain:

“Derek loves his cream teas and cakes. We were talking over cake and tea in the Assembly and Derek offered me a job. I will become the Derek Brockway official impersonator and will earn twice as much as I do as First Minister. I even did an episode of Weatherman Walking. No one noticed!”

“And Derek Brockway did Questions to the First Minister in the Senedd, last month. Once again, no one noticed,” said Carwyn.

“I am looking to working alongside Derek and helping him with his workload. He does need help. And it helps that I do love cake, myself.”

A spokesperson for Welsh Labour, Aneurin Leftiebollocks said:

“Carwyn can do what he wants when he stands down. Even I called him Derek last week and he burst into tears.”

Derek Brockway said:

“I welcome Carwyn’s decision to work as my official impersonator. I am planning to spend the winter months in the Caribbean and let Carwyn cover all the winter work and we will share the work in the Welsh summer, unless it’s raining. I dont like to get my hair wet. We will work as a great team.”

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