Capt Tom Moore has disappeared with the £27 million he raised for charity.
The WW2 veteran was last spotted climbing aboard a private jet bound for Cuba.
PC Rodney Truncheon of the Yard, told WalesOnCraic:
“We did wonder what the scamp was up to when one of our officers saw him cutting open his mattress. We believe that the £27 million that he raised is going towards funding a private island in Cuba where he intends to live. We have eye-witnesses who say that Capt Moore was last seen getting out of a taxi at a nearby airport. He then proceeded to board a private jet, which airport staff say was bound for Cuba. We’d like anyone who knows of his whereabouts to contact us so that we can congratulate him on such a sneaky heist.”
Capt Moore raised the £27 million by walking 100 lengths of his garden.
“I’m thinking of doing something like this myself,” added PC Truncheon. “My wife don’t love me no more so it’d be nice to get myself a nice private island.”