Boris Johnson opens a can of whoop-ass and then f*cks off on a bike

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Leave campaigner Boris Johnson has ridden off into the (rainy) sunset this evening after declaring himself out of the race to become Prime Minister.

Boris told a press conference that he wasn’t the right person to lead the country after convincing more than half of the population to vote to leave the EU.

A spokesman for any old shit told WalesOnCraic:

“Boris reminds me of a kid I used to go to school with once, who’d kick me in the bollocks and then run off. He used to to it every lunchtime. I never found out why he did it. Boris told us that he is not the man to lead the UK, despite his ability to convince people that they can have things better. 90% of Welsh voters believed him and have now discovered that he was in fact, just talking bollocks. I’d ride off on a bike if I was him too.”

A leave voter added:

“Boris has deserted us at a time when we need him. We’ve got no-one. We feel totally bereft, if that’s a real word.”