The average worth of a Welsh kitchen cupboard now stands at £463,698, thanks mainly to stores of plastic shopping bags.
Cupboards next to the kitchen sink are rated as the most valuable, holding an estimated 9 million bags for life.
Shopper Cindy JiggleTits told WalesOnCraic:
“I never realised that I was so rich. I’m glad the England now has their own 5p charge because it means that I can set up an Ebay shop selling bags for 1p each. That way, if I have 9 million bags for life in my cupboard, that means that I could earn…erm…quite a lot of money. Sorry. I didn’t get my maths GCSE and can’t work it out.”
Housewife Kathy TrundleGunt added:
“If I had a penny for every plastic shopping bag I had to buy because I forgot to take the ones I already had, I’d probably have…erm…not sure. I was in class with Cindy JiggleTits and we used to go on the mitch together instead of going to Maths.”
English shoppers are still struggling to come to terms with their new 5p charge, which was introduced in Wales in 2011.