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Weather Tuesday 15th January

Another dreary day with grey clouds and drizzle set to continue throughout the day. There will be outbreaks of some sunny spells, especially over in the east. Maximum temperature 10°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer and Mrs Honey are preparing for the expected cold weather by stocking up on tea, milk and biscuits. They’ve also decided that they’ll be keeping each other warm in bed by cwtching up but Mrs Honey has warned Farmer Honey that this doesn’t mean he can go sneaking a grope or trying anything funny. She has a frying pan ready next to the bed to twat him with should he get above his station.

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Weather Monday 14th January

Some sunny spells forecast to brighten up your shitty Monday morning. There is the odd chance of rain, especially later on in the day but by then, you’ll hopefully be home and dry and watching Coronation Street. Maximum temperature of 9°C.

Down on the farm, we’ve decided to put on a panto next month here in the barn. The girls have spent all day deciding which one to do and they’ll be spending all day tomorrow who plays who. Hopefully by April, we’ll start rehearsals. One thing’s for sure though – I’m NOT dressing up as a woman. I do that enough on the weekends.

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Weather Sunday 13th January

light rain

Moist moistness is the order of the day, to start with anyway. Patchy rain will feature throughout the day with perhaps the odd chance of brightness later on. Feeling mild. Maximum temperature 12°C.

Down on the farm, I’ve been studying the charts for the next few weeks ahead and the weather patterns are looking remarkably similar to the ones that we had this time last year. There is the possibility that we could be looking at another Beast from the East towards the end of January. The long-range forecast suggests that temperatures will drop the week after next so I’m going to have to get Dolly to sit on my face to keep me warm. I’d better warn her.

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Weather Saturday 12th January

light rain

A moist start to the day for some while weatherwise, things will be a bit damp to start off. Some rain is possible as well as some brighter spells but wind featuring for most of us in Wales. Maximum temperature 11°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey spent most of the afternoon in A&E after catching his bollocks on the gearstick of his tractor. So he says. He also says that doctors have advised Mrs Honey to tend to them for the next two weeks with love and affection.

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Weather Thursday 10th January

A mostly cloudy and dull day with some light rain lingering around, especially up on them hills. Brighter spells possible later on in the day with a maximum temperature of 8°C.

Down on the farm, Mrs Honey has heard that head of Amazon Jeff Bezos has divorced from his wife. Knowing that he’s the richest man in the world, Mrs Honey has written to him to ask him out on a date. She wants to take him to the local Greggs, the Albert and up her mum’s. She’s hoping she’ll fall for her Welsh charms.

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Weather Tuesday 8th January

A colder but brighter day with lighter winds and good dollops of sunshine across the country. Cloud may thicken up in the east later and a maximum temperature of 9°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey has decided that he wants to become a novelist. He’s decided to set his debut novel on a farm in Wales. His main character is going to be played by a handsome young(ish) sheep and his romantic interest is going to be a ewe called Dolly. Think he needs some work on his imagination.

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Weather Monday 7th January

Rain will move down from the northwest across the country, becoming lighter and patchier as it does. A fairly boring day with nothing to report apart from a few strong winds, particularly in the north. A maximum temperature of 11°C.

Down on the farm, Mrs Honey decided to use the local gym earlier today. She’s been a member since 2004 but has only used it once in the last 14 years. She went back today but only to use their toilets as she’d got caught short coming back from Kwik Save.
“He slept on the sofa because he snores like a bastard and soils himself after a few drinks. He’s not the man I married.”

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Weather Sunday 6th January

A mostly dry and uninspiring day with fair amounts of cloud around and a few brighter spells breaking out throughout the day. Patchy showers possibly arriving into the northwest later on in the day. A maximum temperature of 10°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey’s given up on the idea of Veganuary already. Instead, he headed down to the nearest kebab house and ordered the biggest doner he could get his hands on. He ate it under three minutes and spent 3 hours in a food coma.

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Weather Friday 4th January

Foggy patches clearing away to leave us with a gloriously sunny day. There will be some light clouds around but who gives a shit? A maximum temperature of 6°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey’s decided to try out Dry January. He visited the local Co-op to buy some bottled water and came back with 24 cans of Skol. He’ll be starting again tomorrow.